Health
Habits
Food
Weight 
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Home Court Habits: The Secret to Effortless Weight Control
10 Reasons You Aren’t Losing Weight When You Think You’re Doing Everything Right
How To Burn More Calories Without Breaking A Sweat
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Foodists
The Best (and most surprising) Way to Quench Cravings
Photo by Aristocrats-hat
You probably know by now that I’m not the biggest fan of willpower. It’s weak. It’s fallible. And it often backfires when we need it most.
If you were dating willpower I’d tell you to dump the jerk immediately. Seriously, you can do better.
The reason I’m so hard on willpower is because the vast majority of the people I talk to still believe it is the solution to their health and weight struggles, and it’s not.
For long-term goals, willpower is far too unreliable to carry you through. Eventually it will break down, and the rebound you experience will be far worse than if you weren’t trying to control your behavior at all.
That said, willpower can be incredibly powerful for short-term goals. When you need to study for an exam or tolerate your family during the holidays, self-control is often your greatest asset.
The most effective foodists must learn when and how to use willpower to your advantage, and when to let it go and fall back on habits.
When it comes to food, one of the best uses for willpower is when you’re experiencing cravings.
Cravings are internal signals that drive you to act against your better judgement. They can come on suddenly and be intensely powerful, driving all else from your mind except the object of desire.
Don’t confuse real cravings with the vague feeling of being “in the mood” for a certain food, even if the desire is persistent. These feelings are sometimes mislabeled as cravings, but they aren’t problematic.
In fact, when people say they’ve learned to “listen to their body,” they are often referring to these feelings. For myself personally, I typically indulge these intuitions without guilt.
Real cravings, on the other hand, typically lead to binges. They are insidious because they do not reflect a real need or emergency, but they hijack your brain into believing that the universe cannot continue unless you get what you crave.
It’s almost like it isn’t you that controls your mind anymore, but some dark force that conspires against your best intentions. Giving into cravings feels so necessary when you do it, but totally icky afterward because you get this sneaking suspicion that it wasn’t you calling the shots. It’s almost like someone else took over your mind.
Fortunately, cravings can be tamed. But the most effective method for quenching cravings is very counterintuitive, so will require practice and a bit of faith in the method.
First, if you’re experiencing cravings regularly you should always start by ensuring your habits aren’t triggering cravings more often than necessary. Be sure you’re eating a wide variety of nutrient dense foods, and not lacking any major nutrients like protein, slowly-digesting carbohydrates, fats, vitamins or minerals.
Also use techniques to reduce stress, and put yourself on a regular schedule of eating, sleeping and exercise to optimize your natural biological rhythms.
Remove obvious triggers like candies and other snack foods from your house and office if possible.
But even under ideal circumstances, almost everyone will experience a craving at some time or another. When these hit, don’t try to fight them or distract yourself from them. As we’ve seen, these techniques tend to backfire and induce more frequent and intense cravings down the line. And when we give in, we tend to go overboard because of the what-the-hell effect.
Instead of fighting with your craving, use a technique called surfing the urge. Urge surfing is a technique for riding out a craving without giving into it. I first learned about this technique in Kelly McGonigal’s brilliant book, The Willpower Instinct, which is the best book I’ve read on self-control and behavioral change.
Surfing the urge is based on mindfulness practice, and has been shown to be far more effective at increasing self-control and decreasing relapse than methods that rely on distraction or trying to push the urge away.
The first essential component of urge surfing is understanding that all cravings eventually pass, whether or not you give in to them. The secret to getting through the craving is riding it out like a wave.
Instead of being afraid of failure and wishing the urge would away, observe it passively and without judgement. Understand that it will come on suddenly, grow and build, peak, then crash and dissipate, like a wave in the ocean.
Cravings almost never last more than 30 minutes, so once that time passes you will be in the clear.
Next time you feel a craving come on, don’t panic. Instead find a comfortable seat and sit up straight. Close your eyes and focus on your breath. When the discomfort of the craving grabs your attention, notice the feeling without judgment, as if you were on an alien planet and just trying to observe an interesting new phenomenon.
Notice if and where the feeling manifests in your body. Is your heart beating faster? Is your chest tight? Are you salivating? Is your jaw tense? Are your hands sweaty or cold? Observe how your body reacts to the craving, then gently take your attention back to your breath and let the feeling go.
This urge surfing technique has been shown to reduce the intensity and frequency of cravings. More important, it makes it much less likely you will give in to them.
For this technique to be most effective, practice mindfulness when you are not experiencing a craving. Try spending 5 minutes each morning just sitting and focusing on your breath. When you notice an itch or a discomfort, observe it passively without acting on it. Notice how it dissipates without you doing anything. Bring your attention back to your breath whenever you remember.
You can learn the full urge surfing technique from scientist Sarah Bowen in this audio file.
Have you tried mindfulness or surfing the urge to quench cravings?
Originally published Feb 10, 2014.
Just last night I had the most intense sweets craving after a healthy & filling dinner and I KNEW it was not genuine hunger. I brushed my teeth and washed up the dishes, trying to signal to myself I was done eating for the day, which partly helped.
I did tell myself, “You know you had three good meals today and you’re actually full and you’re just craving sweets because you’re still very tired — and feeling sorry for yourself — because you’re recovering from the flu,” which also partly helped.
Still, helped enough to not give in, but not to alleviate the craving iteself.
I felt like the scene in “American Werewolf in London,” where on the day of the full moon, he’s bored and restless and pacing and prowling around the apartment he’s staying in, not knowing why!
I’m going to read up on the full technique and hope to use it next time.
Love the point about willpower… so what’s the better date?
And thanks for the tip on the McGonigal book; it’s available on audible too.
“Cravings almost never last more than 30 minutes,…”
On what planet? If cravings lasted no more than 30 minutes, they wouldn’t be a problem.
I have to agree. 30-minute cravings are the exception for me. They usually linger for a few days, at which point I usually have some of whatever it is because I want my mind to finally be able to focus on other things.
Seriously! My craving will go on until I cave in. That could be hours, days, weeks, even months. My mind does not move on.
Interesting and thanks for the feedback. In this post I’m definitely referring to the kind of acute cravings that occur in response to specific triggers. Like the craving for ice cream every night after dinner, or the urge to smoke when you’re trying to quit.
I used to only get chronic cravings (e.g. for bran muffins) when I was on a specifically restricted diet (e.g. low-carb). Since I stopped with the restrictive diets and started focusing on health and nutrient diversity, I hardly ever get the intense cravings I used to get. (I admit it’s still hard to skip the wine after a stressful day).
I’m curious what types of foods haunt you for days? What do you think causes it?
Oh, it could be anything from sausages to chips to vanilla yoghurt to bread to cheese to kebap… Not sure what causes it, though.
Is there any research on the length of cravings? I have not been able to find any and from personal experience I would agree with some of the other commentators that a 30-minute craving is the exception not the rule.
I have also found in my professional experience that giving people a “time-frame” for cravings only encourages control-based strategies like distractions; i.e. “If I can just sit here and watch the clock for 30 minutes this craving will go away.” And as you pointed out this will only serve to strengthen the craving and increase distress engendered by these experiences.
Have you found it helpful to provide a time-frame? What are your thoughts on not providing a time frame to encourage active acceptance for as long as the craving lasts? Be it 5 minutes, 30 minutes or 24 hours?
Good point about the time frame. I didn’t mean this as a goal or arbitrary limit. The point of this exercise is to be mindful of cravings and recognize that they are 1) endurable and 2) temporary.
The urge surfing concept comes from the addiction treatment world. I don’t think the implication is that your desires go away completely after you get through a single craving. My understanding is that this is more of a tool to get you through that moment when you are about to give in to something that another part of your brain would rather not give in to. It gives you a way to manage it in the moment and remember your higher goal.
Specific brain chemistry problems, like low serotonin or high dopamine will often cause specific cravings that behave like the ones described above. BUT persistent mindfulness practice sitting with the sensations, emotions and thoughts that are even chemically caused can dismantle the craving pattern eventually. We tell people to stick with the mindfulness whether they can “resist” or not – the mindfulness is the point and taking it into a binge and the aftermath can be helpful too. Getting caught up in the striving for an particular outcome can undermine the longterm benefits and more freedom. Thank you for this good description – will share it
Thank you for the insight, Nancy.
Thanks for this Darya. Unfortunately I gave in to my cravings yesterday following an emotional argument at home and stress at work – hopefully today (and onwards!) will be better with this technique.
I find the best way to get through cravings is to promise myself I can have whatever it is I’m craving as soon as I’ve eaten a piece of fruit. 9 times out of 10 I no longer want the chocolate/sweets or whatever after I’ve had my fruit.
Love it!
What a great idea. Sometimes I-ve tried the same thing.. like eating a “healthy” thing first. And most of the time it actually works!
One of the tricks I learned from reading your book was to tell myself I can have whatever I want to eat, so I don’t feel deprived. So my best craving-fighting tactic is just to delay. If I want to eat some chips, I’ll tell myself I can just have those later, like in an hour. Usually, I forget about it. If an hour later I still really want the chips, I’ll eat some and enjoy it, without feeling guilty. By telling myself I can have them later, I maintain the control. Sure, I could eat them now, but I’ll just wait until later. There’s nothing magic about those chips, they will still be there in an hour.
I’m not perfect about practicing it, but that’s my system. It gets me over depriving myself and then succumbing to the “what the hell” effect, which was my basic problem prior to reading your book.
Darya,
So glad you’re in to Kelly McGonigal. Your readers may benefit from her TED talk last summer about the stress of stress and how it relates to weight management and mindfulness. Bottom line the people with the poorest physical outcomes to stress are those who ruminate, self criticize, judge etc. over their stress. It’s not the amount of stress you have. Learning curves to whatever you do are important, albeit stressful, to growth. i.e. an old skiing saying, If you’re not falling you’re not learning. This dovetails nicely with mindfulness practice. Life is a challenge all by itself. It’s not just that you’re getting it wrong and so practice loving kindness for yourself,your endeavors, and all beings.
http://kellymcgonigal.com/tag/mindfulness/
thanks Frank, I always breath a sigh of relief when I’m reminded of this…might have to make it the thought of the day. Cheers, Jen G 🙂
Hi Darya!
I know that for me the challenge is understanding the difference between a craving and hunger. I now start by trying to recognize the difference. I think of a craving as the desire for something specific whereas hunger seems to be more physiologic. Offer me an apple when I’m having a craving for take out and bad things will happen. When I’m hungry I gobble veggies up like I’m at a hot dog eating contest. I call myself out when I want something specific–“Hey girl. Hey! You are craving that! You can have it, but I’m just saying”.
I think it’s helped thus far. 🙂
Good article Darya
My most severe food cravings are when I’m tired and need to Sleep -yes bring on the chocolate covered hazelnuts , chocolate cake etc etc
I can’t surf urges, really need to practice -thanks for link
I was thinking the other day that I should look for literal surfing lessons to really get the concept of ‘urge surfing’
… So far I think the closest proxy , which is not voluntary practice , is enduring labour contraction pains – begging for epidural and wanting the baby to come out NOW… And eventually riding it out paleo – baby’s born – then the waves of contractions all forgotten …
That happens to me too! When I’m fatigated, I just crave anything. But it’s a good thing to know it, actually.
Thanks Darya for your comments on willpower and cravings. Cravings don’t last forever. I find it helpful to distract myself with music (I often pull out my guitar and play some oldies). When it comes to willpower evening is the worst. I try to schedule anything that requires willpower early in the day, when my willpower is the strongest. I also try to focus on ONE thing when it comes to willpower. Gary Keller’s book the ONE thing really helped me with that. Keep up the great work Darya!
I was introduced to urge surfing in the context of dealing with an anxiety disorder and panic attacks. I’ve not yet tried it in the context of food (but it seems like it would help). My best experience of it is with panic attacks. A few years ago I was having several, hours-long, debilitating panic attacks a day, which nearly destroyed my life for awhile there. What I learned is that trying to calm myself down cognitively actually made the panic worse, because the lizard brain promoting the fear response is stronger than the cognitive part of your brain, and takes cognitive attempts to calm down as provocation, more or less. So what I learned to do is, rather than resist the panic, I let it wash over me, and instead of being on the floor in the foetal position for an hour or two, I have 30 seconds to two minutes of sheer panic, and then it vanishes. (I’ve been panic attack free since about May 2012, despite having a stressful life and an anxiety disorder which is far from being under control)
I think it might be a bit more complicated with food, because we require food to live and (for me at least) cravings and genuine hunger can be hard to distinguish, whereas there’s a very clear distinction between my anxiety disorder and circumstances where a fear response is justified. But it’s certainly something that’s helped me, and I can certainly say that seemingly insurmountable urges are self-limiting if you let them be.
Thanks for your insight. I think there’s a difference between the type of craving that is really more of an inclination, and the type of craving that leads to bingeing. For instance, “mmmm… I’ve been wanting a burger all week” is pretty normal and fine to indulge, whereas wanting an entire box of cookies after a full meal is not healthy. It’s clearly not hunger induced, nor is being just “in the mood” for something. Those are the instances where surfing the urge can help.
This is the basis behind the book Brain Over Binge by Katherine Hansen. I found it very helpful when trying to stop binge eating. She takes it a step further and argues that binging is just a terrible habit that the body is used to based on giving in to these binge cravings and that all you have to do to recover from binge eating is realize that the urge will pass. By not acting on the urges but also not attaching any emotion to the cravings and trying to fight them, they eventually just go away. I credit that book as well as your focus on building healthy habits, with not having an eating disorder anymore.
Awesome, thank you for sharing. And huge congratulations 🙂
Your comment promted me to seek out and begin reading Brain Over Binge. I haven’t even finished it yet, and I already feel like I’ve discovered the secret to abstaining from binge eating. What an amazing book! Thank you so much for mentioning it! I would strongly recommend anyone who has struggled with binge eating on any level read it. For me, it seems to be the precursor needed to follow Darya’s health style recommendations. I feel confident if I can learn to dismiss my urges to binge, I will be much more successful at applying my home court habits on a regular basis.
Excellent! I’ll check it out as well.
Loved the urge surfing audio, thanks. Not heard of sarah bowen before. Loved her gentle voice. I’ve been getting into Eckhart Tolle, Power of Now so can so relate to observing the feeling/acknowledging its presence etc. riding that wave till it goes.
I eat such a clean diet that my cravings do go pretty quickly. I think if you eat a heavy diet of wheat, heavy dairy, choc, then you will crave those – they’re the worst three in my experience. I now only have a little 90% choc and yog, light cheeses occy, not v often and no wheat, hardly any sugar and guess what? No cravings. :OD
Hi Darya, I usually cannot go to sleep if I don’t have somethibg sweet at night. I learned to enjoy whole food and instead of processed cereal I now enjoy frozen banana with unsweetened cocoa. I simply love the combination and the taste, sometimes I add some almonds. Or i have some dark chocolate 88%. Do you think this is a craving that I should learn to “surf” or is something that I can just enjoy as daily “treat”? I just want to add I don’t need to lose weight just maintain it. What I noticed though is that I NEED to have that little natural sweet at night. What are your thoughts in this regard? Thanks!
I’m impressed, Noemi. This is incredibly introspective.
I agree that if you don’t want to lose weight there’s no need to “deprive yourself” on a regular basis. But at the same time the feeling of “need” for sweets can be a bit unsettling.
I’d recommend trying the urge surfing just as mindful practice. After a day or two you may decide you can do it, but that you’d still rather eat the bananas and chocolate regularly, and that’s fine. But the ability to feel and ride out your impulses is incredibly valuable in all aspects of life, not just eating. Certainly seems worth an experiment.
Hey Darya, I’ve read Foodist and loved it – I’m eating more mindfully, I walk more, I cook healthy meals at home most days, and above all, I’m not restricting my food intake the way I used to on diets. I’m learning to listen to my body, and for the most part, I feel great. But despite these changes, I still have a problem with binging on a lot of food every once in a while which is really frustrating.
I’m trying to be mindful after a binge happens so I can learn from the problem, and what I’ve noticed is that it’s no longer tied to being calorically deprived like it used to since I’m feeding my body well. However, because I dieted for so long and periodically binged when those diets failed, it seems like I have an ingrained habit of binging in certain contexts. For example, my triggers are too much alcohol, an upcoming exam when I haven’t prepared enough, and visiting home from college. It’s like I’m acting out a script, and have a strong compulsion to binge in these situations because I used to do so when I was dieting, even though I’m not dieting anymore!
I was wondering if you had any experience with breaking habits like this after you started eating more intuitively? Any insight or advice would be appreciated!
Hi Adrienne,
Sorry for the late reply. It sounds to me like you’re doing everything right. I bet that if you keep it up the allure of bingeing will continue to decrease until it stops completely.
You may have some additional success by incorporating some stress management into your life, but I think it will play itself out regardless.
I definitely have had experiences like this myself. Keep in mind that you developed the habits over a very long period, and they aren’t going to go away overnight. The value/appeal will dim though, as you are no longer getting the same reward you used to get.
Also be mindful of whether or not you are moralizing your food choices, as that can make breaking this kind of habit harder.
Please keep me posted on how it goes.
xo
Darya
I just happened to stumble upon this site today, after lunch, when I was trying to practice some portion control and NOT eat the whole container of pad Thai I had just gotten (which is what made me start Googling “portion control tips”). I knew from experience it would make me uncomfortably full to eat the whole thing so I told myself I would just eat half. I was dying to eat the other half and was having near to obsessive thoughts about it until I went back to my desk and told myself that if I still really wanted it at 2:30 then I could eat it then. 2:30 came and went. It wasn’t until 3pm that I even thought about the food again and my desire to eat it was virtually non existent. Cravings are definitely temporary and I am excited to learn more from the info you have here on your site and your book, Foodist. After all the dieting I’ve tried I am finally accepting that I have to change my MIND first. I need to fix how I think about food…change my relationship with food and then focus on losing weight.
Awesome 🙂 Welcome!
I’ve just stumbled onto the concept of urge surfing and reckon it may be the way to go for me. I have no urges to binge at all during the day as I am always to-ing and fro-ing for work and kids but after putting my son to bed I collapse on the sofa and eat anything “cos I deserve it”. Its an habitual urge for reward not a specific food group so I shall try being mindful rather than just raiding the fridge. Thank you
Do all cravings need to be quenched—and is our brain always misfiring when we crave a certain food?
I crave red meat once a month, coupled predictably with PMS, and absolutely nothing else in the world will do. I would love to hear your thoughts on whether there’s any scientific proof that our cravings are in any way connected to the nutritional needs of our bodies.
Thanks, Darya.
GREAT question. I definitely think our bodies can tell us true needs, beyond just a stress/comfort response. The science isn’t particularly strong, but I think it will get there eventually.